“I have stories to tell”
So … I’ve been a little quiet of late. Well a lot quiet really. It’s been a slow year. In writing terms anyway. I’ve had a lot of soul searching to do in regards to my writing. It’s been tough, I have to admit. There have been many times where I’ve felt like giving up and throwing it all away. And I guess that’s because of a few reasons I suppose.
The Black Petal wasn’t as successful as I’d hoped, which is fine because some things aren’t for everybody, but as I was so nearly finished with the sequel it got me thinking about whether it was worth carrying on with. Originally intended for a trilogy, each of the three books have been mapped out, meaning the story continues but doesn’t fully resolve until the final book. With minimal interest in the first book, would it be worth finishing the story?
Also, writing has become a little difficult. I’ve struggled to get the words out. Too much stopping and starting means it’s difficult to get a rhythm going. I lose concentration shortly after starting. What all this means is that the enjoyment doesn’t just flutter out the window, it bloody gets sucked out. I’d rather bang my head against a wall, or watch an episode of something from my TV’s planner.
Does this all sound pessimistic? Sure it does. Do I want pity? I certainly do not! What I’ve come to realise is that it is a phase all creative artists and people go through. Self-doubt is an especially hard abyss to pull yourself from, made even more troublesome because of the saturated marketplace in which your work is entered into. It’s a political war of sales vs. noticeability vs. reviews. How do you measure success when there is so much on offer for the readers of today? Indie authors face a multitude of problems and stigma. All too often I’ve seen articles where authors aren’t too happy with their works expected to be given out for free more often than not.
Will I continue on with The Black Petal trilogy? I have decided to. Why? If one person loved the first book and wants to see how it all ends then I owe it to that reader to give them an ending. Success is something I’m putting on hold, or rather put, I’m evaluating it differently. I want a happy reader. I want to make one reader smile, or laugh, or cry, or feel their chest explode with excitement. Is my writing style for everyone? Hell no. Does that matter? Hell no.
I’ve realised over the last few days that I have stories to tell, and I’m going to bloody well tell them. As a race, we are intrigued by stories; we always have been, stretching back thousands of years when stories were told orally.
I fell in love with storytelling when I wasn’t even a teenager. It seems like I’ve been on this journey for so long. But like every journey, you are going to hit road bumps, get stuck in traffic, and even break down from time to time. I’m calling out the writing AA. I’m making a plan and I’m going to get back out on that road.
Wish me luck.