I love Autumn time. Have you guessed that yet from the heading? I’m not sure why it is called ‘Fall’ in other areas of the world – a Google search job, me thinks. I’m one of those miserable types of people who doesn’t handle sun very well. Everyone seems to go mad in Summer. I love the ice cream, but I guess that isn’t at the top of everyone’s list when the sun comes out.
I find sitting on a beach all day boring. I never tan either. I go all red and blotchy and end up looking like a walking, talking Mr Blobby. If I’m too hot I can never cool down, but if I’m cold I can stick a jumper on or dive under a blanket. And anyway – Autumn is the perfect in between: neither too hot or too cold.
It’s a gorgeous time of year also. Well, here in England it is. The leaves change colour, they float everywhere, and give that satisfying crunch underfoot that is only a close second to the sound of popping bubblewrap. I’m not weird, honest. Popping bubblewrap is a real thing.
I love going on walks in Autumn. There’s a few nature reserves not far from me that look fantastic at this time of year. And you can spot the squirrels more easily too. I mean, who doesn’t like squirrels? I always find that it rains more in Summer than it does in Autumn, or is that just me? People tend to pop their thermostats up and switch their central heating on to make their homes all nice and cosy – readying themselves for hibernation. If only hibernation was a real thing, could you imagine it? None of this size zero model crap and finger pointing at which celebrity got far. Exercise would be outlawed! We’d have to get fat in Autumn wouldn’t we? We would need to stuff our faces with all the best fatty foods imaginable, and nobody would laugh at us. Hibernation, you see, it’s a great idea. We should definitely band together and take it on Dragon’s Den or whatever the equivalent show is called in your country.
And stews are made in Autumn, aren’t they? Everybody loves a good stew with dumplings and thick, rich, gravy or sauce. All those yummy vegetables taste a million times better in a stew. And no, I don’t mean any of them shitty Heinz stews you get out of a can. I mean homemade stew that takes hours in the oven, but fills your home with the most delicious of smells that make your stomachs die while waiting for it to be done. And nobody in the history of the world ever leaves a stew to cool before tucking in. You always end up burning your tongue or the roof of your mouth because you simply can’t wait any damned minute longer – I mean it took long enough in the oven didn’t it! You end up blowing at it in the bowl or on the spoon, don’t you?
I haven’t got many plans this Autumn. It’s a quiet one for me, which is exactly how I like it to be. There’s Fireworks’ Night to look forward to, I guess. But you can guarantee that I will not be wishing Autumn on so Xmas can get here quicker. I love Autumn and I hope you guys do too.